Reverse Grammys For 2005...

Ok here we go, my reverse Grammys nominations for the year.. To get a reverse Grammy from us you really, really have to suck.

So without further ado here's my list of rock bands and rap artists that sucked so bad they've earned an award:

#3: Kanye West- Listen, when all that rap has going for it as far as cutting edge goes, meaning EMINEM, how sorry is that? Where the hell is Snoop when we need him? Dr. Dre?

Kanye West sucks so bad I think that my headphones were bruised after listening to "Gold Digger". Seriously, where in the hell are the R.A.P. artists that can pour out their heart in the next lyrical masterpiece? IMHO Eminem's "When I'm Gone" is the only thing that had a set of nuts in the whole rap community this year.

Would someone contact Ice Cube, Dr. Dre or Snoop and have them command an edict in the rap community to create some good music that hits me in the gut this year? And while you're at it tell them to reclaim their rightful throne and bitchslap Kanye's "posing ass" off of the podium..

#2 Bon Jovi- I have a confession to make, I was in high school when "Slippery When Wet" came out and I liked it. When "New Jersey" came out I was exstatic, now here we are in 2005 and I'm realizing that every album that Bon Jovi comes out with is like watching "Top Gun".. Top Gun was cool at the time and then came "Days of Thunder" which was Top Gun in a car and then movies for the next 5 years followed the same theme minus Tom "abuse your living room furniture Cruise..."

"Have A Nice Day" is quite possibly the shittiest song that I've ever heard in my life "If the world get's in my way.. Have a nice day.." wow that's revolutionary, perhaps Bon Jovi was the seed behind U2's "Pop-Mart"..

Really, this whole album sucks so bad that words can't express how sorry it is. Songs like this cause me to go back in my iPod time machine and listen to the riffs that made them famous, so I traveled back to the "Runaway" days and realized that everything that Bon Jovi has created (without the slick Ritchie Sambora soundbox) sounded the same. In fact, well,, I'm not a pop forensic pathologist but I think that I can prove that "Runaway" has just been spun through a software program and repackaged as "Have A Nice Day" circa 2005..

Trash, pure trash.. One other thing, if I ever meet these Wal-Mart artists in person, I'll tell them the same thing that you're hearing here.. Jon, please retire to the burbs in "New Jersey" while you still have some old records selling, don't kill your chances of a successful retirement by creating a lyrical eqivalent of Micheal Jacksons "Dangerous". End of story..

P.S. If you'd like to maintain a sliver,, a small speck of "rock and rollness" (assuming that you had it at one time) never ever appear with John Kerry again. Seriously, if you like half dead white guys then have your picture taken with "Learch" from the Adams family..

And drumroll please.. For the "Shittiest Band of 2005" the award goes to..

#1- Green Day- When "Dookie" came out in 1994 "Longview", "Basket Case" and "When I Come Around" were "all the rage" on the radio and something deep inside of me gave me that "check" it's really hard to figure out. Everyone that you know is running out and buying this "Dookie" but me.. Why is this? it must be a deep thing that my 22yr old ass doesn't understand. Go figure..

Fast forward>> to 2005, now can I wax eloquent on why I can't stand Green Day.. First of all I admire bands that have talent like Dire Straits, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Cream, (old) Aerosmith, The Crue, Def Leppard.

Green Day from day numero uno was a "3 chord band" that is, learn 3 chords G, C, and D, throw in a great drummer to make up for your lack of talent and there your have it. Anyway that's my 1994 perspective. Here's a more educated opinion now that I'm a bit older, and I can even publish a "How To Succeed In The Music Industry" book with a success rate at 99.9% of the time using my tried and true philosophy..

Here's your recipe for success (better than Esteban):

1. Learn 3 guitar chords
2. Fake a UK accent
3. Throw together some shitty lyrics
4. Hire a kick ass drummer
5. Wear eyeliner
6. Seem emotional
7. Bash the president in another nation (this only works with a Republican president in office)
8. Collect your cash..
9. Become a slave to the pop scene

Really, I could care less if you have a UK accent, the only problem that I have with it is if you are from the US have a US accent, don't throw the faux UK accent at us.. We live here and know how people speak. This makes you sound like a fraud.. Def Leppard is probably my favorite band of all time, they have British accents because they are from the UK, for real..

Get a kick ass drummer is self explanitory..

Wear eyeliner? Are we still doing that? Depeche Mode had a real set of nuts when they did it but since they paid the price and dealt with the public BS it's no longer relative. Get your own vibe..

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"? What the hell is this? A lullaby that we can sing our kids to sleep with? Please, I'd rather have salt rubbed under my eyelids or an icepick shoved under the quicks of my fingernails than listen to this pice of garbage.. It's not punk, rock and roll or alternative it's bubble gum kiddie music.. This sums up point #9- Become A Slave To The Pop Scene, because that's what you are.

You suck, what more can I say.

Seriously:

On a sad note Lou Rawls passed away and I can remeber hearing "You'll Never Find A Love Like Mine" cruising throught the Detroit suburbs as a kid along with the work that he did with Al Jarreau did and who can forget Al's "Mornin'"?

Ahh to be a kid again..

I'll post the best of 2005 here soon!!

Take Care,
EJ

Rut-Ro Raggy..

"It is fascinating to see how these companies 'help themselves' to copyright-protected material, build up their own business models around what they have collected, and parasitically, earn advertising revenue off the back of other people's content,"

Uh oh.. seems like a pandora's box was opened here! Claims like this are now starting to become more mainstream. Google is going to have a hard time explaining record profits while using others content to achieve it.

A few days ago I saw a news story about Google stock going up over 1K per share if current trends continue. Yeah right..

Here's why the trends WON'T continue:

1. Today Yahoo Publishing Network opened which directly competes with Googles contextual ad service "AdSense" which is going to decerease their profits.
2. Microsoft's contract with Overture ends in February and MS is going to launch their own ad service.
3. These lawsuits WILL drag the stock downward, especially since they are now starting to get more press.
4. On a political note: If the US simply allows this to happen then an outright takeover of the Internet will gain steam since it will appear that US for profit companies are taking advantage of the system. The UN already has an interest in this ad it could be catasrophic for ICANN.

As massive hype and speculation make G's stock go through the roof, it's safer to say that you will more likely see Google at $10 per share than $1000.

The funny thing about this is IF Google catches you doing the same thing (ie scraping), you are considered a "Black Hat Spammer" and they ban your sites from their search engine. Yet their business model is exactly the same thing. You are a spammer, they have a successful "business model". Go figure..

Yahoo's contextual ad service is going to put a massive hurt on Google, they have had terrible customer service and cut off accounts at the drop of a hat.

Here's a scenario for you:

You happen to be viewing one of your sites that has AdSense on it, to make sure that you have everything just right. All of a sudden you hear a crash in te kitchen and one of yor kids is crying, you run in there to help your child.

In the meantime, your other child, the 4 year old, is at your computer clicking away at the pretty links on your site.

You take care of the problem in the kitchen get back to yor computer and an hour later you get an email from Google that your AdSense account has been cancelled for "fraudulent clicks". Dumbfounded, you write Google and ask them what gives? Then send back the usual canned answer which explains what "click fraud" is.

You write back explaining that you've never "fraudulently clicked" an ad in your life, and if there was one you'll glady pay back twice the amount. Your response falls on deaf ears and they send you another copy and pasted message about zero tolerance to click fraud..

By the way, they are seizing the money in your account too.. Since they are the judge and jury, you have no recourse..

I'm not trying to minimize click fraud but the fact of the matter is it can happen by accident and they haven't provided publishers with the opportunity to vindicate themselves.. In fact it happens everyday.

Peace,
EJ

Scripting.com and the joke that it is..

It appears that after years of Microsoft bashing they have made inroads into the Democratic party. Seems like Whiner (Yeah Dave Winer) is now on the MS bandwagon.

I've heard from numerous sources that MS has opened up offices in DC to keep track of political issues inside "The Beltway". Now Dave is the first to jump "on the pipe" if you know what I mean.

Before the massive liberal inspired "anti-trust" lawsuits MS had to deal with, they pretty much minded their own business as far as politics were concerned. Now all of a sudden they're recruiting "Dave and the gang" to consult for them.

What a joke, he's such an ego freak that he probably doesn't realize that he's part of "business as usual" not someone called upon for his superior intellect as he would like you to believe.

Forgive me for the anti-political correctness but I have a hard time understanding why Steve Jobs is on the up and up but Microsoft is an "evil corporation". They are both zillionare corporations yet the lib's love Apple and hate MS. Go figure..

The last time I checked neither one sends me a check for promoting their products so it's hard for me to promote an allegiance either way..

There's a few things that I know for sure... When Microsoft decided to enter the video game console market they were laughed off of the stage by Sony and Nintendo. Now, three years later Nintendo has went the way of Atari and Sony seems to be stunned by MS.

More power to em'.. Microsoft is aggressively taking over the home entertainment market and it should provide them with an engine to do whatever they want. Microsoft's initial investmet in XBox Live was laughed at back before it was launched but now they are so far ahead of Sony that I don't see a catchup in the future.

All in all, smart business and long term thinking is the business model that MS has taken and I predict that they will knock off Google with their 'out of the box' thinking as far as Search Engines go. It's been my experience that MS doesn't enter a market to compete but to dominate..

And that my friends is a great stock to buy!!

Till' next time..

Respectfully,
Earl Lear